Nervous and tense people who just will not relax

[Pompal 09.]

Have you ever worked on someone that was just like a rock. I mean frozen, like maybe nervous or just the kind of person who can NOT relax.

So far in practicing with a couple of these type of people they end up making ME nervous and tense too. What can I do differently with these people? I try to go into it centered and relaxed but the more I massage and the longer I can't get them to relax the more worried about it I get.

 

[The Stubborn One]

I had a few of these clients at the chair massage event I did with my class yesterday. I couldn't tell what was muscle and what was bone on some of them. They were like rocks, just like you said, and I had only 8-10 minutes to help them. I just tried to breathe, relax, and remind myself that these are the folks who need it the most! I used a lot of warming techniques and some rocking. In one case, fingertip tapotement actually worked a little. I wanted to take a few of those clients home with me, put them in a hot bath with epsom salts and apple cider vinegar for about 20 minutes, and try again on the table!

Kemilyna

 

[Aporia]

Nervous and tense people who just will not relax

the more I massage and the longer I can't get them to relax the more worried about it I get.

First of all, you need to let it go. If you are not in a relaxed state, this energy will carry over in to your massage.

Believe it or not, these people probably are relaxed. Or as relaxed as they are ever going to be. Not everyone is going to completely chill out and start snoring. Everyone is different. These people are probably very up-tight "normally" and they probably are as relaxed as they can be during the massage.

Just let them enjoy their "relaxation." Trust what you are doing.

Angie

 

[I got a muffin!]

Ditto Angie.

You cant take away 20 years of bad posture hunched over a desk 8 hours a day 5 days a week in one hour. Heck you may never take it away! Only they can, if it is possible at all. We can only assist them.

 

[derfini]

Hi SandyRose,

Yes, I have worked on people who are stiff as a board. I have noticed that part of me may start to get a little anxious about it, but I have managed to let my compassion take over during the massage.

I feel for those people. I may not know what their experiences have been that show up in their body like that, but I think they are doing the best they can. These are the people that need it the most and I give them credit for even coming in a getting a massage.

There is a fellow that I have worked on a couple times in the past month. He kept his eyes open the whole time while supine and was very stiff. I learned later that he's someone who has experienced civil war first hand in another country. He was a Colonel in the Liberian military. He lived through the violence of war for years. I think it's amazing that he can now experience nurturing touch after having experienced something so horrendous.

Just remember when you are massaging those people who are like a rock that they have most likely been that way for MANY years. It's going to take alot more than one massage or even YEARS of massage for them to relax. Believe that your massage is contributing to their well being and that it's making a difference to them.

 

[jazzie606]

Wow, let me say, do I understand where you are coming from, and you are not alone. This is probably one of the top topics we talk about at work.

One thing, like RM said, could be life things. I have a client like this who I believe had some sort of sexual abuse, and I believe someone told her to get massage to learn about good, positive touch. It does get hard and frustrating, but I try to think about these situations.

Sometimes, I don't think it is just tension like others are saying, I know what you mean, I think they simply can't relax (usually it's like someone's first massage type of thing). So what I try to do, it remind them to breathe, or if it's bad, I just do some rocking and tell them it's okay to relax, that I am going to do all the work, make a joke if I can, some people sometimes think they NEED to help us.

Realize too, some people don't even they realize they are doing it. I went in for a facial and she was doing massage on my arms, and she was like, RELAX!! : I did it, and I hate when people do it!!! And...I thought I was relaxed! And again, lots of people tell me when I just tell them to relax, they laugh and say they thought they were!

So sometimes that will help, other people, it might just be a defense mechanism that they can't turn off. What I try to do is just do stuff without moving them too much so they don't have to "help" and just try to do relaxing, gentle strokes, very slow. It's usually by the end of the massage, but sometimes they do relax!! :

 

[mack_9]

I will say also that, as a "tense" client myself, instructing a client like this to relax or telling them that they seem tense can feel judgemental, like I'm doing something wrong. I try instead to say things like "I can feel that shoulder starting to release" or what have you -- planting the suggestion that their body can do it. Or if they are a repeat client, noticing something, anything that is more relaxed than last time, and mention their progress.

Sometimes you will see the opposite problem -- a person whose tissue is very soft and relaxed, but believes they are tense. These people are just as hard to work on, because no matter what I do, they perceive themselves as needing to relax, they feel their tissues "tight" even when they are not. I have not come up with a great physical solution, although as someone mentioned above, compassion helps me get through the session.

There is an old thread on this topic that I'll try to dig up.

 

[Pompal 09.]

Sometimes, I don't think it is just tension like others are saying, I know what you mean, I think they simply can't relax (usually it's like someone's first massage type of thing). So what I try to do, it remind them to breathe, or if it's bad, I just do some rocking and tell them it's okay to relax, that I am going to do all the work, make a joke if I can, some people sometimes think they NEED to help us.
...
So sometimes that will help, other people, it might just be a defense mechanism that they can't turn off. What I try to do is just do stuff without moving them too much so they don't have to "help" and just try to do relaxing, gentle strokes, very slow. It's usually by the end of the massage, but sometimes they do relax!! :

(nod) I tell people to take deep breathes and to focus on their breathing and if they're "helping" with passive movements, I try giving them some imagery, like "let your arm be heavy and floppy, like a bunch of wet rags" or "let your leg fall out to the side, giving me its weight." Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't, I try to use a different technique or I just give up on passive movements!

Realize too, some people don't even they realize they are doing it. I went in for a facial and she was doing massage on my arms, and she was like, RELAX!! : I did it, and I hate when people do it!!! And...I thought I was relaxed! And again, lots of people tell me when I just tell them to relax, they laugh and say they thought they were!

I try not to tell people to relax, because I hate it, too! Some people get MORE anxious if they feel like they can't relax, because they're not doing it "right." I try to remember to use positive, encouraging phrases, like complimenting good deep breathing: "good breathing!" or "beautiful breath!" And flood my thoughts of positive, non-judgemental things, too. If they seem like they can't relax, that's okay. They are a beautiful person and will benefit from my compassionate touch. (So I keep telling myself.)

 

[SgtShamy]

Nervous and tense people who just will not relax

the more I massage and the longer I can't get them to relax the more worried about it I get.

First of all, you need to let it go. If you are not in a relaxed state, this energy will carry over in to your massage.

Believe it or not, these people probably are relaxed. Or as relaxed as they are ever going to be. Not everyone is going to completely chill out and start snoring. Everyone is different. These people are probably very up-tight "normally" and they probably are as relaxed as they can be during the massage.

Just let them enjoy their "relaxation." Trust what you are doing.

Angie

Well said Angie! Tension only brings on more tension.

I am one of those who has a hard time relaxing. Even when I feel relaxed, I am often told to relax and then I really tense up! In todays society most people are always in a hurry. We are constantly trying to do one, two or three tasks at once while thinking what we have to do next. When it comes time to relax, our brains keep rushing ahead. How often do you go to bed thinking that you will fall right to sleep only to have all these thoughts start racing through your mind?

What works best for me is a little chit chat. It calms my mind and helps me focus on other things. I tend to have a racing brain and small talk allows me to slow down. Before long I do actually relax which makes it easier for my therapist and allows me to fully enjoy the session. I know that is not the solution for everyone, but it works for me.

 

[CNICOLE]

I don't ask them to relax. But I will use some subtle suggestions like some of the others have given. I will often ask them to just give me all the weight of their head, arm, whatever. I will also take some nice deep breaths myself to sort of signal them to breath deeply. And I love jostling, and rocking motions. In the end I just try to do my thing and hope they will come on the journey with me.