My roommate got tipsy last weekend and told me some pretty wild stories about her boyfriend. Now I can't look at him the same way. Should I worry abou

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Q: I recently received a gift voucher to a new spa for a manicure, pedicure and massage. I needed to break up the treatments to fit my schedule. The person who did my nails was excellent, professional, efficient and sweet. I was looking forward to my massage based on that experience.

The spa itself is inviting and pampering, so I got in the mood before the massage started. A woman called me in, and I got on the table. She started at my feet and worked her way up my back. It was fabulous!

Then I turned over and she started with my legs. But after a short while, she sat up by my head and began to massage my arms, shoulders, neck and head. As she leaned in to work her magic, I almost choked on her body odour. With her arms held away from her body, the smell was released, and as she was right by my face, it was overpowering.

I explained that I had a stomach ache and needed to use the washroom. When I came back, I told her that it was fine that we cut the massage short. I dressed, checked out and left.

Should I have said something to her? Should I have spoken with the manager? I don’t want her to get in any trouble, or even lose her job, but it was awful. What’s your advice?

Spa scents

A: What a shame that you had to end your relaxation session that way. Since you don’t know the masseuse at all, I would not have spoken with her privately. That could get messy, misunderstood and misconstrued, and then it would be a “she said, she said” situation.

I would have spoken privately with the spa manager. I would have complimented the spa overall, talked positively about your manicurist, and commented on how good the massage was, until. Then I would have explained the situation. The manager should thank you for your honesty and patronage, and hopefully be kind when discussing it with the masseuse. But the outcome is beyond your control.

Q: My roommate got drunk last weekend and told me all sorts of crazy stories about her boyfriend that I doubt he would want me to know. She didn’t tell me not to tell anyone or talk about it with him, but obviously I wouldn’t bring any of it up in conversation.

But now I know things I can’t UN-know and I’m having trouble being in his presence. He’s a nice enough guy, but he has some strange behaviours that are borderline dangerous. I’m now worried about my roommate whenever she’s with him.

What am I supposed to do with this information?

Raging Roommate

A: You sign off using the word rage. Are you saying that your roommate’s boyfriend can get so angry, he becomes enraged? Are you worried about her physical safety? In other words, are you concerned that he is in any way abusing her?

You need to be very careful here. Have you ever seen signs of physical abuse on her body? Have you ever heard them arguing, or heard him talking in an abusive manner to her?

Try to get her alone again soon, to discuss the things she told you. Tell her that you are worried for her and her safety. Tell her that you support her in any way she needs/wants, but you don’t want to overstep and jump to conclusions. Together, come up with a safe word that she can use if she is ever scared and needs you to step in. And, since you are both young, it’s important that you tell an adult so they can support you both if necessary.

Her admission may have been a cry for help, or a window into her world, just in case.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boy who got his ear pierced while on holiday with another family (July 8; Aug. 19):

Reader: “Twenty years ago, my son got his ear pierced on a high school trip to Europe. It was infected when he got home. I was very concerned. I arranged for him to see our doctor for an AIDS test. It was negative.”

Lisi: He was very fortunate. I’m sure you were relieved.

FEEDBACK Regarding the wedding ring (Aug. 21):

Reader: “For the woman who wants to keep her wedding ring, but it has too much negativity attached: I would suggest taking it back to the local carver (or another local artist) and ask that person to rework the silver into a new ring which ‘reimagines’ her new life as a single confident woman. The ring will now have ‘power’ in her own way.”

Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star based in Toronto. Send your relationship questions via email: [email protected].




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