A brief summary of 99% of the people you will ever meet in college

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Intellectual Superhero

Intellectual Superhero is neither an intellectual nor a superhero, but don’t tell him that! The Intellectual Superhero is easily identified by his complete inability to allow a class period to pass by without asking at least 654 questions designed to show how "witty" and "clever" he is. He will attempt to prove the professor wrong in every class with his inane bullshit, regardless of the fact that the professor has a doctorate in the field. If it’s a science course, the Intellectual Superhero will attempt to solve every problem using an alternate method, which is always incorrect. But don’t worry; he’ll still manage to waste 20 minutes of your life with his insane method of solving the problem. At least you’ll get to laugh at him when the professor proves him wrong.


45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids

The 45 Year Old College Student with Two Kids is one of the more interesting personas found in the college classroom. This subject has returned to school in an attempt to better her life, which is a great endeavor. However, there are a few things about this person that will make you want to punch her in the face by the end of the semester. The 45-year-old college student with two kids must write down every word the professor says. This will cause the class to be peppered with calls of "can you repeat that" approximately every 0.23 seconds. Second, she must ask the most obvious questions, preferably ones the professor has already answered. Here’s an example:
Professor: So, in 1776 the Declaration of Independence was written.
Old student: Okay, let me make sure I’m writing this down correctly. The Declaration of Independence was written in 1776, right?
Professor: 30 seconds of blank stare followed by: Yes.
If you are lucky enough to be in a small class where participation is required, you’ll be treated to such delights as "Well I have two kids and I think that [insert obvious statement here]" or "Ever since I’ve had my two kids, [insert fragmented sentence here]." As an added bonus, you’ll get to hear about all of her life experiences as a parole officer and about her last 5 marriages that ended in divorce.​

Stupid Ugly Fat Girl

Stupid Ugly Fat Girl feels the need to enter into every single class discussion, completely disregarding the fact that she has nothing of substance to add to the conversation. Stupid Ugly Fat Girl cannot construct a sentence without using the words "like" and "um" at least 12 times for every 2 other words. She always wears clothes that are too tight, and seems partial to gaudy rhinestone shirts with incredibly original phrases such as "Princess" strewn across the front of her sagging cow ****. The only way to actually learn something in a class with the Stupid Ugly Fat Girl is to distract her attention with a shiny object.


Johnny Frat Boy - or - Sally Sorority Chick

While there’s certainly nothing wrong with being in a Greek organization, some people take their involvement in these groups a little too seriously. These are the people who can’t go 2 consecutive days without wearing their shirts from some drinking party they went to last weekend. Johnny Frat Boy likes to brag about how many beers he slammed down on Tuesday night, while Sally Sorority Chick acts as though she is too immaculate to be tarnished by your presence. In either case you shouldn’t worry about these two personality types too much because they only associate with each other. This brings me to another point: when you see these people outside of class, it is perfectly acceptable to run them over with your motor vehicle of choice.


Study Nazi

Study Nazi is in school for one reason: to get good grades. Unfortunately for Study Nazi, he’s not that bright and he struggles with his classes. That doesn’t stop him from letting everyone know how long he studied for that 5 question quiz though. Study Nazi, much like the Intellectual Superhero, will ask questions constantly during class. However, the Intellectual Superhero has some grasp of the material. Study Nazi, while he can quote his books and his notes verbatim, has no idea what any of it means. Under no circumstances should you approach Study Nazi outside of class. Doing so will only remind him that he’s losing valuable time that he could be using in the library and you might get hurt in his frenzied dash to get there as quickly as possible.


Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer

Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has nothing better to do than study. While the average of the rest of the class is a respectable 45%, Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer has approximately a 1351% in the course, thereby totally destroying any chance you had of passing the class. Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer can be identified by the fact that he will be in the library before you get there and stay far after you've left. He will almost certainly wear the same clothing throughout the entire course, and, while he may be human, it's more likely that he's some kind of magic robot.


F**king Disgusting Computer Science Major

F**king Disgusting Computer Science Major is the reason that you don’t want to go to class. He bathes roughly once every leap year and wears the same "totally awesome" Japanese video game (the import version was so much better) shirt for half a semester at a time. No matter how far away you get from him, the stench seems to travel across the room and assault your nostrils. ****ing Disgusting Computer Science Major has no time for the English language, and he will often ask questions that make little to no sense and lack any sort of "grammatical structure." He’s the only character that can actually give Silent Foreign Curve Destroyer a run for his money on the intellectual scale, but that’s only because he was probably born with knowledge of linear algebra and differential equations.


Agenda Assailer

The Agenda Assailer has (surprise!) an agenda to push on everyone else. If you’re in, say, a science class you’ll get to hear about how the scientist who discovered some principle was a racist or misogynist and therefore his scholarly work is somehow meaningless. Even though the rest of the class is just there to learn, the Agenda Assailer will attempt to turn every class into a political debate. Here’s an example from a history class:
Professor: Thomas Jefferson wrote the Declaration of Independence.
AA: How can you even SAY that?!?!?!?! He owned slaves!!!
Professor: Well, yes. But he still wrote it.
AA: Well then he’s a hypocrite and we should THROW OUT the Declaration of Independence!!!
The Anime Freak
Anime Freak is somewhat of a rarity outside of computer science and/or Japanese courses. However, you still might encounter one in some humanities cores. The Anime Freak will always be wearing button down shirts with a dragon or some kind of Dragonball Z character on it. Also, anything with Japanese writing on it is always cool in the eyes of Anime Freak, even if it makes absolutely no sense. Do not approach the Anime Freak outside of class, unless you want to run into a situation like this:​
You: Hey, what’s up?
AF: I think episode 185 of [insert horribly obscure anime show here] is the best because they use the Power of the Light to slay the dragon beast and save the world from total destruction!!!
You: Um… I have to go.​


Major Elitist

No, he’s not in the military! Ha ha! All blatantly bad jokes aside, the Major Elitist is generally some type of science or engineering major who looks down on anyone who might even think about getting a humanities or business degree. After all, we all know that the only thing that’s important is science. All that other mamby-pansy bullshit like "History" or "English" or "the world economy" is just a bunch of feel-good rhetorical nonsense anyway. Besides, any jackass can get a liberal arts degree!


Non-Conformist Conformist

The Non-Conformist Conformist is an interesting species. While he tries to "fight the man," he is unable to do so without conforming to another group. The Non-Conformist Conformist can be easily identified by his Rage Against the Machine or Che Guevara t-shirt and dark green corduroy pants. During the winter he will be wearing a military field coat from Germany with a patch on the side, and he often carries a wallet on a chain. You can identify him in the classroom because he’ll feel the need to share with the class his opinions of pop culture. He’ll use a condescending tone of voice because he’s better than little sheeple like you. That’s all right though because whether it be the punk, goth, or any other subculture, the Non-Conformist Conformist declares boldly, "I choose to not fit in by fitting in with a DIFFERENT group!"


Fashion Monger

Fashion Monger is on the bleeding edge of fashion! While having some nice clothes is something everyone should invest in, Fashion Monger’s entire wardrobe has been purchased from stores so hip that you've never even heard of them. Apparently, it’s "hip" and "with it" to pay 500 dollars for jeans that were hand stitched by the hardworking people of Taiwan. And, as we all know, 50 dollars for a silk-screened t-shirt is a completely reasonable price, as long as it was designed by an gay Italian man. Yes, nothing says, "I have too much money and not enough common sense" quite like buying clothes with fancy designer labels that are marked up 1000%!


I didn't write the last two, they were written by other people from the original thread. I've included them here because they were "totally awesome."

The Sociable Slacker

This is the guy who went out of his way to talk to you on the first day. Was really personable, seems like a normal, social person. He even suggested trading phone numbers just in case you needed help. Fast forward to the second week of class - he's not there. Same goes for all the classes until right before the midterm when you get a call. "Hey man, what's up? How's it going? Oh yeah, I missed the last class can I borrow all your notes and photocopy them? Yeah, we should go grab a beer one day." No show again until the final where he calls you up again asking for notes. And that beer? A complete fabrication.


CEO Junior the Third

Born to wealth and privilege and toting an ego the size of Australia, CEO Jr. III will rarely be encountered outside of econ, business and business-related courses (like the lower level computer sciences). Much like the Fashion Monger, CJ3 is fascinated by brand names and drops them wherever possible. However, instead of dropping "real" designer names, he'll brag about the cheap shit he bought from Abercrombie last week. Success is what he's aiming for, and he'll probably get there, but only through his dad’s business connections. Like the Study Nazi, he is not particularly bright, though his particular mode of achieving good grades consists of stroking the professor's ego with appropriate questions and office hours schmoozing. Like the Sociable Slacker he is unfailingly cheerful, but his cheeriness, much like everything else about him, is completely insincere. He is astoundingly successful at getting laid for reasons which are at present unknown to science. It's probably best to avoid crossing him in social circumstances since he can wield his people skills like a weapon.



Source: A brief summary of 99% of the people you will ever meet in college - The Awful Forums
 
omg!!! i have some of these buggers in mah class.. there is an intellectual super heroine..lol , ****ing nazi, agenda assailer, and there is the social slacker.. hahahahahaha...

this is frigging amazing.. hahahaha... nice one there brother :D
 
lol.. :lol: nice one... and yeah can actually find dome of these ppl in collg... :P
 
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  40. Golden Sunshine Spa:
    ✨Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates and special services ! ✅ Click Here Today🌸Tina🌸Cindy🌸Isabella🌸Nadia🌸Anna Call us ☎ 905 - 265 - 2158☎️ Your ultimate service awaits! ✨
  41. Soul Relax Spa:
    ✨ Looking for a relaxing escape? ✅ Click Here Meet🌸Kelly🌸Kim🌸ValentinaCall us today for the best treatment and service experience. Click on our Username and FOLLOW US for updates ! Call now ☎ 289 - 298 - 5662☎️ Your ultimate relaxation awaits! ✨
  42. ForeverWarden:
    Thursday at 🫦❤️🔴🟥♾️𝓕𝓞𝓡𝓔𝓥𝓔𝓡 𝓢𝓟𝓐♾️🟥🔴❤️🫦🫦2190 Warden Ave, Unit 201, Scarborough 𝟰𝟭𝟲-𝟴𝟬𝟬-𝟳𝟴𝟴𝟳: Cindy, Sophia & Tracy. Cindy is a slim beauty, 5’4”, natural C Cups. Her massage is nice, her services will drive you wild & her finish is a dream come true. Sophia is a sweet & pretty Chinese lady with natural B Cups and an awe-inspiring smooth rounded ass. Sophia can provide top notch services
  43. HolidaySpa:
    Thursday at 🌴😎🌅𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓲𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓢𝓹𝓪🌅😎🌴3517 Kennedy Rd, Unit 4, Scarborough ☎️𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟮𝟰𝟳-𝟭𝟭𝟵𝟵☎️: ANGELA, LUCY & CINDY. Angela is versatile and responsive. LUCY is a beautiful and slim Asian lady with a happy disposition and great services. CINDY is a slim & incredibly sexy lady with a smile that will melt your heart, & an ass that will fire up your spirit.
  44. SugarLoveSpa:
    Thursday at ❤️💙 💜⎝𝗦𝗨𝗚𝗔𝗥 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗦𝗣𝗔⎠💖💗💘: LUNA, MIA, SARA, TIFFANY & VIVI. 1270 Finch Ave W (at Keele St), Unit 18. North York, ON ☎ 𝟰𝟯𝟳-𝟯𝟲𝟱-𝟮𝟲𝟴𝟴 ☎ LUNA is a slim, VERY PETITE and capable Vietnamese beauty, nice natural 34C Cups. Luna can do everything. MIA is a young & slim 𝙎𝙋𝙄𝙉𝙉𝙀𝙍, very PRETTY & PETITE Vietnamese beauty with perfect natural A Cups, 5’1” & 90 Lbs, very versatile.
  45. EMSpa_schedule:
    🎉Come visit us!🎉 Today (Thursday), our amazing attendants are Ada 💜, Cici 🤩, Vicky 🥳, Sophie 🤗 and Monica 🥰. Call us at ☎️ (905) 479-6668 ☎️ to book your favourite and head on over to 7665 Kennedy Road, Unit 4, Markham!
  46. すみません:
    Top notch wellness: Ella , elena, Angela, Michelle, gabby , and Vanna. Call us now to make your appointment. 437-522-9961
  47. bnwellness_wilson:
    We have 4 young girls are working today, young Taiwanese Victoria slime 26’s open mind and young flirty Tina 30’s with curly body open min, young popular kitty 26’s with curve body and pretty Ella are providing deep tissue massage, pls call 4163985777 book appointment and walk in always welcome,back entrance and parking available, 350 Wilson Ave North York
  48. luckywellness:
    Lucky Wellness Center 4379721888 295 Eglinton Ave E,Unit 7,Mississauga We have two girls working today. Judy and Kiki. They are young and beautiful, cute and sexy. Deep tissue massage and relaxation massage are both great. Back walking is very comfortable. They have sweet smiles and work seriously. If you are tired from work, come and make an appointment!🤗
  49. Annie Spa:
    💋🔥Our famous sexy superstar Suki is working today Thursday May 29th with busty 36DD young girl Bobo, Sexy New Petite Japanese Cutie Mico and Sweet Sensual Busty Coco🔥😘Call Annie Spa to book appointments 💯👌 🩷Annie Spa🩷 1001 Sandhurst Circle Unit #7 ☎️647-891-9688☎️ ☎️416-291-8879☎️
  50. Lulu1980:
    Phoenix Blossom Spa 🌹🌹🌹 Table shower .body scrub 😘Three girls every day 🔥🔥🔥 5124 Dundas West Street, Etobicoke ☎️ 416-817-3366 👍 New❗️New girl Angela ,so young Petite and pretty😋 open service 😜😜 Sweet girl Luna deep massage 😘😘😘😘 Hot and sexy body very provocative service 😍😍😍😍❤️ You are welcome to make an appointment at any time or walk in directly through the back door. We have ample parking spaces available
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